the shadow

the shadow wins.
_________________

the
shadow
wins.
it always
wins..
but also
sees..
beyond
the glamour..
and pretend..

(the
bullshit
of these
Beasts.)

hearts..
they are
worthless..
the shadow
realizes such..

but
if you
embrace
the
Darkness...
you can
USE IT.

(but deny the
weakness
that is LOVE.)
__

welcome
to never
was..

it's
peaceful
here..

no one
goes,
or comes..

and the silent
rule..

(while loves
​VICTIMS
choke on tears.)

_

the shadow
has won...

(it always
does.)

J.S.H.

less than were dreams. (a dark duality.)

Less Than Were Dreams.
(A Dark Duality.)
____________________

Newly returned from
The Last Goodbye..
it nervously frets and
paces..

to avoid the Many
Razor-Blade-Eyes,..
and Angered Faces.

Where has it Been?..

What Has it SEEN?..

and How Many
were Friends?!!!

(less Than Were
Dreams.)
__

You cannot Pimp
Out that Whore called
Destiny,.. or expect
her not to come back
Broke,..Mad,.. and
Laughing!

I know this to
Be True..

it goes
without saying.

(not that I was
asking.)
___

It Loves a Far
Off Beauty..

She is Perfection
clothed in Pretty
Skins of Secret
Midnight Tragedy.

But "I" LOVE
Her Sincerely!!

since She Is A
Better,.. Less-
Broken Part of
Me!

Or....Us..
or...

(We.)

J.Stephen.H.


Many will likely
assume (and MAY
be correct in their
assumptions) that
such madness cannot
be faked..regardless
of the Inventive Powers
possessed by The Artist.

("IT" would likely agree..
don't you think...?)

Deep down...everyone
has an It,..or a Shadow
which is either successfully
integrated into their personality,
or becomes a mere Entity all it's
own ..that eventually consumes
one's Ability to pass themselves
off as "Rational."

But perhaps we're all just
Glorified Animals..
with Bigger Brains than
Those Lower Beasts
in This Tragic Kingdom ..
who rely on Natural
Instinct?

(perhaps IT will
never know.....)

the shadow enemy.

The Shadow Enemy.
______________

Deep Within..
I feel an Enemy..

A Shadow
Self which thus
Consumes Me.

Leaving nothing
good behind.

(creating gaps
in Memory.)
_

I woke up
in a strange
place,

wearing foreign
clothing..

With Bruises
on My Face,

and a haunted
sense of
Inner Loathing.

(Absent
from The Light
of Grace.)
____

I Fear Now
Where Tomorrow
might be Leading.

So much
I Battle Sleep.

Enslaved By
This Shadow
Enemy!..

Lurking
Somewhere
in The Deep.

(staining
The Soul
Within Me.)

J.Stephen.H.

beauty through the looking glass.

Beauty Through The 

Looking Glass.

_________________

I saw her Through

the Looking Glass..

as Winter's Chill

crept softly in My

Head.

Her Smile?

A Ghost from 

My

Heart's Past.

(with A Laugh

 so

Pure it Raised

The Dead.)

__

I seek to

Touch Beyond

The Panes..

(Without
Breaking

Sacred
Memories.)

and feel again

those Gentle

Rains!

(which 
washed All
Hateful  Devils'
From Me.)
__

Beauty..

Let Me 

In..

(Or Join Me

Here.)

For surely

Sacred 

Summer

From Curse'd 

Winter

We Can Make!

As I 

Drink away

Your Angels

Tears,

and you Free

My Head of

Snakes!

for

This Glass

which seems

to separate,..?

(is MEANT

for us to 

Break.)

j.stephen.h.

For you..

with Love,

MY Goddess.

to what is known of hell.

To What Is Known Of Hell.
______________________

I don't want
to feed This
Darkness to
You..

Or Watch you
Suffocate as
Walls Consume..

Nor shall
I Slaughter
Those Sweet
Eyes!!

(which seem
Divorced from
Some Lost
Moon.)
_

Many
Lonesome
Dreams
were Shared..

By Our
Souls.

(and
something
Else.)

But Nothing
Now could
thus Compare!

(To What
is Known
Of Hell.)

j.stephen.h.

minimalism

Minimalism.
___________

I Break it
All Down
into it's
Smallest
Possible
Representation.

Eating Words
like Cake before
the Fattened Queen.

(who Needs
it Not.)
_

And in
This..
I Find My
Depth.

(spitting out
what Time
Forgot.)
___

J.S.H.

with self the only enemy

with self the only
______________

I Don't
Need To
Be  Told
that All is
Won!

(For Me
To Know
I've Lost.)

Or Shown
The Brightest
Morning Sun!

(When Night
has Payed
The Cost.)
__

Nor do I
Crave A
Forceful
Tear..

Within This
World of
Many.

To Each
is Granted
Endless Years!

(With Self
The Only
Enemy.)

J.Stephen.H.

i am not the catcher.

I Am Not The Catcher.
_________________

How Easy
it was for
Me (my Love)
To Die.

and Break
The Bonds
of Discontent.

(which dims
The Inner-Eye.)
_

But Harder
To Lose You...

(and hardest to
THINK.)

Wandering
Through That
Rotten Rye!
__

I am
Not The
Catcher;

as you
are not
The Fool.

And Neither
Do Our Lone
Hearts Fester!!

(In Want
of Love To
Rule.)
__

j.s.h.

a man is not a man.

A Man is Not a Man.
_____________

Top of Days
For Which We
Insinuate...
(Something
Akin To Change.)

Promising
A World
Without
Chains.

A Life
where
One does
NOT
Hesitate..

To Show
His Pain.
___



Here A
Man May
Pass his
Kisses..

Without
Falling
Victim to
That Ancient
Criticism
which declares
A Man Is
Not a Man...

(unless he
Hides his
Wishes.)

and Kisses
Are Not
Real!

(unless
We Fold
and Give
Ourselves
Unto The
Land.)

j.s.h.

(to be cont.)

die-song

How many Times
now have I Tried
This Particular
Thing?

To "Give up The
Ghost" in Hopes that
Better Ghosts shall
Come?

(more now than I
dare Remember.)

"More than Night
has Known the
Sun!!"
________

I have EATEN
many Condolences...
but not once consumed
a Plausible Explanation
for Why Anything should
Prosper.

Yes...(Death)
I Kiss You.

(and your Lips
Provide Me with
more than Anyone
Else Could Offer.)

here in the cave

Here in The Cave.
_____________________

It's interesting how a
Shoulder, or an Ear
can make all the Difference
between Salvation, or
Damnation..
Lending The Heart
to Still Hope that in
Spite of the Darkness of
This World, a Light still
remains somewhere down
in this Cave; where We
Confuse our Shadows
to Be Things of Substance..
Watching them Dance
around on Ancient Walls
like Puppets of A Secret
Design.

But alas..The Puppets
are Many, and The Lights
are few.. So few in fact that
any anticipation of them
making a ripple in this Black
Sea of Existence seems
improbable. (to say the least.)
_

Being that Life itself
is about adaptation..
in which the Existing
Form must constantly 
modify itself and adapt
to meet the demands of
an ever-changing Struggle..
The only real option I
have..is to become a
Blacker Shadow than
Those Which Currently
Rule The Cave.
_

I Hope To Be Spared
The regurgitations of
various Failed Theologies
to contest My Ominous
View.

For I've consumed most
of them..and find them
lacking.

There is No God above 
me Laughing.. Nor Devil
Below me Plotting..
waiting to feast upon 
the remnants of my 
Damned Soul.

I Stand Alone..

All Of This 
and
Nothing 
forevermore.

(Here in My Cave.)


J.Stephen.H.
__

a cancer beneath the sun

A Cancer Beneath The Sun.
____________________

What Joy..
What Fun...
Soaking up
Cancer 
Beneath The
Sun.

But often
we Break
Mirrors in
Houses
of Mirth!!

(Then feed
The Shards to
Unholy Ones.)
__

I Celebrate
My Alien
Rebirth..
Haunted by
an Immense
Sense of Pride;
As The Angels
Coffin fills with
Dirt!!

And most
 Stars
Commit
 Suicide!

some fell...
some jumped..

(ALL DIED.)
_

What joy??
What Fun?!!

Life
is a Cancer
Beneath The
Sun.

Where Humor
Reflects an
Optimists Pain!..

Still

(DRINK UP
EVERYONE.)

J.Stephen.H.
__________________________

MORE DARK TO COME

More Dark To Come.
__________________

More Dark to
Come My Untrue
Love.

More Hell to
See, and Life
to Fear.

More Lies You
Crave like
Perfect Drugs!

(More Devils
whispering
in Your Ear.)
_

More Lonely
Nights to Spend
in Silence.

More Time
Wishing I was
There.

More Thoughts
of Self-Inflicted
Violence!

(More Crying
in your Pillow
Scared.)
_

More of What
you seek The
Least.

More searching
for The Truth
in Vain.

More of My
Black Heart's
Disease!!!!!

(More Days
of Loss,
and Endless
Pain.)

J.Stephen.H.

(ALEA IACTA EST..)

beer thirty

Beer Thirty.
______________

My Father was a
Good man, in his
own kind of way..
Who sometimes
used His Fists to
Teach lessons he thought
would keep me safe.
(from making the
same mistakes he
made.)

I remember it was
always Beer-Thirty,
Morning Night and
Day.

With Mom in The
Background sweeping
Floors, or Cooking Meals,
and teaching us to Pray.
_

I was The Clown...

Who Read Books
and Told Jokes
to conceal my Sorrows
from Everyone.

The Kid who didn't
really Grow UP,
so much as DOWN.

(with Passions
Burning like The
Sun.)
_

My Friends were
Dead Men who
(in their own lives)
often shared my
Plight..

I Read their
Wonders
Every Night!

Consuming
Tales Of
Chivalry until
The Morning
Light!

Wondering
in My Jester
Heart if I would
Grow to
be a Knight?

(who Set The
Wrong Things
Right.)
_


My Dad died
while I was
a Young man
still trapped in
His Mental
Prison..

in his Hands
was a can of
Pabst Blue
Ribbon..

(we
Buried it
with him in
His Grave.)

But it's
still Beer-
Thirty Here...
morning, night,
and day!

(Because his
Fists taught me
to Make the Same
Mistakes He Made.)
_

J.Stephen.H.
____________

This piece is a
matter of perspective,
and does not reflect
the life of the Author
by any Means.

These Nightmares in my Eyes. (They Dim No More.)

These Nightmares in My Eyes.
(They Dim No More.)
_____________________

These
Nightmares
in My Eyes..  

(They Dim
No More.)

As You Show
me A Better
World where
The Clocks Eat
Not Our Sunrise..

and I don't
Beat my Head
on Broken Doors!

(which were
Locked on me
Three Lives
Before.)

During Exile
From God's
Paradise.
_

You saw
The Monster..
and called
Him Beautiful..

(Honest in
your Sweet
Opinion.)

Till He
Smiled
Shyly Like
A Fool!

Casting
Off His
Evil Minions..

To Take
A Queen.

(and Share
His Rule.)
_

Not Half
Happy were
the Clocks..

(nor those
Demons from
The Deep.)

So Thus
They Sought
to Make My
Heart Stop!

(and Force
Penance for
The Hell I
Reaped.)
_

Yet Redemption
comes in many
Forms..

sometimes
Words, and
sometimes
Fists..

My own
Cam Riding
On A Storm!,

(Starting
with an Angels
Kiss.)

and eased
My Frowning
Face Forlorn!

(To show me
Many Moments
Bliss.)
_

These
Nightmares
in My
Restless
Eyes..

Dim My
Heart No
More..

nor do
Those Grim
Clocks eat
Our Sunrise!

For Opened
Now is
Heavens
Door!

(with YOU..
My Only
Paradise.)

J.Stephen.H.

wishful thinking

Wishful Thinking.
_____________
 
My "Wishful
Thinking"...
alas.

(left me
laughed at
by The Stars
from their
Black Home.)

Leading me
to Wonder..

(as I sit here
Drinking)

Is it My Fate
to be Alone?

(rubbing
Ancient Scars.)
_

Did you think
it would be
Different?

(My Shadow
asked.)

That her
Smile was
for you
in Fact?

"Think again
My Friend."

"Thou Art
Beast."

(and it's
only Solitude
after that.)

J.Stephen.H.

dead or sleeping saints

dead or sleeping saints.
__________________

Our Love
goes together
like Wrists
and Razor
Blades..

with Smiles
cast on Gloomy
Days.

To Find
God!

(Without
Prayers
Made to
Dead or
Sleeping
Saints.)
_

Gravity
pulled
us
Together..

but
Nothing
can tear
us apart.

(So Dear
You Are to
my Black
Heart.)
_

You make
me a Higher
Power...

and In Your
Arms I
Know what
God is To
Mortals,

(yet still
Humble
Myself before
the Majesty
of Your Grace.)

Infected with
a Perfect Love
which grows
stronger by the
hour.

(and goes
together like
Wrists and
Razor Blades.)

j.stephen.h.

the hell of it all.

The Hell of it All.
________________

Today, Her Smile
is Starlight bouncing
off Empty Walls;
trying not to Cry.

(Laughing at the
Hell of it All.)

So I try to comfort
Her (with Pretty Lies.)
but she sees through
Me.

(and Breaks my
Crystal Ball.)
_

Has anyone else
been to Loves
Circus, and rode
the scariest Ride?

(which for me would
be the Tunnel of
Heart.)

OR Climbed that
Fabled Tower of
Purpose?

Only to Fall
because of Pride?!

(few Clowns
remain laughing
after Dark.)
_

I can do Nothing
Tonight to help
her find Her Grace...
which would make
the Starlight real
again.

(and Wash The
Midnight from Her
Face.)

I simply stand
in silence, directing
my thoughts at
these Empty Walls.

(which seem
unsettled when
I pace.)

Laughing at
The Hell of
it All.

J.Stephen.H.

The Fault in Our Stars.

The Fault
in Our Stars.
__________

The Fault in
Our Stars,
is that we
seek Fault
in Them..
anytime
Heaven
Denies Our
Heart A
Wish.

(Unheeding of
The Mystery
To Life's
Design.)

Yet in
themselves
they are
Perfect.

(Crafted by
two Loving
Hands Benign.)
_

There truly
are  No
Accidents.

(Though
Chaos
seems
Supreme.)

For all is
based on
God's Intent!

(and We
are but His
Dreams.)
_

The Fault
in our World,
is that we
often seek
Fault in One
Another.

Unaware that
it's an Oyster
full of Pearls!,

where ALL
are Mothers,
Fathers,
Sisters,
abd Brothers.

Products of
The Great
Divine!!

(Shaped By
Two Loving
Hands Benign.)

J.Stephen.H.

Phantoms of Speculation

My Love..

While I try ridding
my Mind of those
Dark Phantoms of
Speculation which
Haunt me with so
many dreaded and
fearful possibilities,
I am powerless to
The Shadows of
Doubt lingering upon
the walls of my
Heart Tonight.

Is it Madness?
Or Purity?
This Magnetism
Drawing you
To Me, and I to
You?

At times I think
The Darkness
in Me seeks to
Drown in your
eyes of Blue!,
and Die That
Happy Death
most are never
fortunate enough
to know.

(yet during other
moments This
Cynical Beast
Believes that
NOTHING is
True, and I am
merely Killing
Lost Time My
Soul once sought
to Borrow.)
__

Either way I've
become Convinced
that One Mans
Art is another
Lunatics Pitiful
Ranting,..
and these
burning rocks
(dreamers
call Stars)
grant Wishes
for everyone
but Me!

(am I the ONLY
ONE who
feels their Mockery?)
_

well...it seems
the Phantoms of
Speculation have
evolved into Living
Nightmares of Hopeless
Reality for me Now..
so there's really nothing
left to do but sleep,
or wake up...or do
whatever it is The
Living Dead do whenever
they have nothing else
to do but abandon such
foolish notions as Loves
Profound Possibility.
so...my sweet..

(enjoy this senseless
ranting....)

j.stephen.h.

babylon the whore

babylon the whore.
__________________

Welcome to The
Land of Babylon
The Whore!

Where the Rich
often prosper from
The Blood of The
Poor.

See her Fornicate
with Every Foul
Thing!

(while luring
Saints into her
Lair of Suffering.)
_

I have drank
of your Wine
at times,

but have never
been intoxicated,
(or impressed)

because I find it
overrated,

(once you read
between the
lines)

and there are
much greater
maidens to
caress!

(who do
not poison
the Mind.)
_

So when I
see you fornicating
with all Nations
who have fallen
from Paradise,

I will turn away
my humbled Eyes!

And look onward
towards the Golden
Skies!

(where Heaven
waits in Earnest.)

j.stephen.h.

These Faces.

Drowning in These Faces.
______________________

I Tire of
Drowning
in These
Faces, for
Days and
Nights on
End..

(with Shadow
Mornings in
Between.)

and
Looking
in The
Strangest
Places,

For A
Love that's
not Pretend.

(or an
Unobtainable
Dream.)
_

The World
(in Youth)
seemed Brighter,
when I was
a Foolish Child..

until I became
an Outsider,
who Wanders
through the Wild.

(Lonely on The
Inside but convincing
with These Painted
Smiles.)
_

The Faces
Consume Me..
like Black Tides
sweeping across
an Endless Sea..

(which is oddly
Never Moving.)

And everyday
feels like Drowning!

(with Shadow
Mornings in
Between.)

J.Stephen.H.